The Other Stuff

 I've been uncomfortable and out of sorts lately. My thoughts have been going to the OTHER STUFF.  You know, the OTHER STUFF you would be doing if you weren't doing the things you're currently doing? Sometimes the fact that I'm not doing the OTHER STUFF makes me question if I've correctly prioritized the stuff I AM doing. Maybe the stuff I'm doing isn't the best stuff to bring God glory, and to leave the world a more loving place, which are my life goals. There are so many good options, it's hard to know what to do.  

I love my job of teaching kids how to read, problem-solve, and communicate. There are lots of other things I've taught them, like the word "biohazard", that rubbing bologna on the table is just a bad idea, and that "there ain't no 'a' in they".  Girl, I could write a book. but I digress. I've been doing my job professionally for 14 years, and I'm good at it. I've gained a treasure trove of tips, and strategies from so many fantastic education professionals, and from the kids themselves. I know all about phonemic awareness, and onset/rime. I know what a "schwa" is, and how to help kids decode correctly.  I get to be fully myself while I sing the "Walking Feet" song down the hallway, and some days I get to dress like a total FREAK, because Mrs. Swager don't play when it comes to Crazy Hair Day! So why do I sometimes wonder what else I can do?  

I'm blaming it on my candles.  

I always have a candle lit in my home.  I lit a candle from the new fire on Holy Saturday (yes, at Easter), and that flame continues to burn in my home.  I have to replace the wax and wicks, but the fire itself hasn't been extinguished.  I just move it from candle to candle. This latest batch of candles doesn't burn very brightly.  In fact, they barely stay lit at all, and I have to really keep an eye on them.  When the wick has burned all the way to the bottom, there's still a thick layer of wax clinging to the outside of the jar. This gets me thinking about the candle being like my life.  

The flame represents the inner spark of life (which is love itself), and the wick of my lifetime carries it. The wax is the life I'm living outside of myself: experiences, people I love, and things I do. This new box of candles represents the intensity with which I'm currently living my life, and right now, I'm leaving a lot behind, and not burning as brightly as I could. This makes me wonder what I'm leaving "on the table" as it were. Who wants to get to the end of their wick to find out there was so much more wax there to melt? 

So here I am, pondering the OTHER STUFF, and as I write this, I realize that I do not know why these candles aren't as bright. I could guess that they have bad wicks, but don't we all have challenges in our "wicks"?  My heart issues, and lack of a thyroid tend to slow me down, but they don't slow me down nearly as much as my slothfulness. I nap. I'm practically gifted at it.  I could teach a master class. The problem with the candles may be the wick, but that's not my problem.

Truth is, it doesn't matter which STUFF I'm doing.  What really matters is if I'm doing it with love.  The wick of my lifetime won't get longer.  That's not how lifetimes work.  If I want to make sure I use up the entire supply of wax in the candle of my life, I need to love more. If I want my life to be well spent, (and completely spent) I need to love with my whole self.  No matter what STUFF I'm doing, I need to remember what really matters.