Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Ray of Sunshine


I think this every morning, and today is no exception.  I want to be a ray of sunshine.  I want my sunny presence to spread warmth and happiness to the world around me.  I'm thinking this thought really early this morning as I'm laying in bed, fighting for a spot in my own bed.  I am sandwiched between Luke and Sylvia, two of the biggest cover-hoggers in the whole world!  Sylvia slipped into my room so quietly, and is now letting her 9 year old presence known by hugging me while I sleep, and putting her face up against mine and falling back to sleep.  I try to roll over so I'm not breathing her used breath, and she holds tight to my shoulders so I'm now wearing her like a backpack. Then the kicking starts.  


I love the fact that she wants to be close to me.  I like breathing my own breath when I'm sleeping! Luke gets up. I move over. I am a ray of sunshine as I fall asleep in his spot with Sylvia near me, but not ON me.  I look at the clock.  Hmm.  7:53.  I can sleep a while.  I pray.  "Lord, please let me be a ray of sunshine today."  I look at the clock again.  Still 7:53.  Is the clock messed up?  Is that the time the alarm is set for?  What time is it really.  Darnit, now I'm not sleeping!  I'm getting cranky about the stupid clock, and that whole ray of sunshine thing is out the window.  Crap!  I pray, "Lord, please, I just want to be a ray of sunshine today.  PLEASE let me be a ray of sunshine!"  I look at the clock.  7:54.  Thank you, Jesus! I feel the warmth spread over my heart.  Then I feel my leg and wrist being crampy.


I've been in PT for 6 weeks, and I know that once I get up and do my stretches my body will feel strong and healthy.  But I don't want to have to do it.  I don't want to HAVE to do stretches to feel good.  I don't want to HAVE to do anything!  What is wrong with me?  When did I get so lazy?  When did I turn into a crabby 3 year old that doesn't like to be told what to do?

 "Please, Lord, I just want to be a ray of sunshine, but I just want to BE one.  I don't want it to require any effort on MY part! I just want you to go "poof" and I'm this lovely speck of happiness and everything is great and perfect and there's no more sadness or pain. I want YOU to just fix everything and make my marriage perfect and my husband perfect.  I want you to nod your head and make my children creeper-proof.  I want you to smile in the direction of my soldier-sons and gird them with magical armor that won't allow them to be hurt, ever! Please, get my kids to do their chores when I ask 1 time!  Please bless my life."  Then I noticed it.
A little ray of sunshine was shining in my window.  It fell softly across Sylvia's face.

I'm NOT a ray of sunshine.  I'm a Mom.  I'm a daughter and sister and friend and grandma.  Having a sunny disposition requires effort on my part. SO here I go.  "Lord, please help me spread your a little ray of sunshine!"  



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