When you read a story from the gospel, put yourself in the story. Ask yourself which character you are. Are you just watching it all take place, or are you a main player in the tale being told? Look around the scene and observe what it would look like, smell like, feel like, taste like. If you could pause the scene and talk with Jesus, what would you say? Father Chris spoke just a little about this Ignatian Imaginative prayer in Mass today, and I am all about it. Be warned, if you are an imaginative person, it's gonna be intense. If you're NOT an imaginative person, try to pretend someone just slipped a pair of VR glasses on you and you're suddenly immersed into this whole new scene. Except it's in your mind. (Imagination...)
Try it. The gospel reading at Mass today was John 11:1-45. It's the lengthy story of Lazarus getting sick, his sisters letting Jesus know, Lazarus dying, Jesus coming to see them, ---Jesus wept--- and Lazarus being raised from the dead "for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”
Now read it for real and live in it. Read the whole thing, then come back to the beginning with me. The beginning of this chapter tells us who we're talking about. These are his friends. He's spent time with them and shared meals with them. Can you feel it? Jesus and the guys hanging out with Lazarus and Mary while Martha makes some food. Mary rubs his feet with expensive oil and wipes them with her hair. They're laughing and talking and Jesus is sharing the important things with them. He LOVES them. They know it. It's not because of the food or the wine, or anything particular. It's friendship. It's just... Jesus. He just loves them.
"So the sisters sent word to him, saying, “Master, the one you love is ill.”"-John 11:3
So, using our imaginative prayer, Who am I in THIS verse? I am definitely not the Master. I'd mess that up in a hurry.
I am sometimes the one who is ill. I do have a heart condition. It's also that time of year when the inhabitants of the elementary school where I work share every possible germ and virus, They're pickers and lickers, but I love them. (More about them another day.)
It feels vain to say it, but I know I am the one he loves. Even so, am I fully trusting that he will help me? If his help is long in coming, or if it isn't playing out the way I think it should happen, can I trust that the outcome will be for the Glory of God? Can the Son of God be glorified through MY illness? I'm working on it.
The only other option is to be one of the sisters. This is it. It's real and raw and sometimes brutal, but this is where I am. I don't just sense or imagine the desperation in Mary and Martha's message, I remember it. I remember being in the hospital with my mom as she was dying. I remember visiting in the hospital with Levi, my grandson, before and after his heart surgery. In all of those moments, I remember "sending word" to Jesus in prayer.
"Master, the one you love is ill."
"Master, the one you love has cancer."
"Master, the one you love had a stroke."
"Master, the one you love is lost, broken and scared."
"Master, the one you love is fading, losing strength and hope."
"Master, the one you love has a heart that won't work right."
"Master, the one you love is barely holding on."
"Master, the one you love is dying."
"Master, the one you love is grieving."
"Master, the one you love, I LOVE TOO, and I can't fix it."
That last part breaks my heart. As I'm sobbing over here, I am encouraged by some other words in this reading... Jesus wept. Same.
But also,
"Master, the one you love is encouraged!"
"Master, the one you love is redeemed."
"Master, the one you love loves you back."
Father Chris challenged us to ponder these words as our homework from Mass. I think you just read my homework. I recommend you do it too! Write your own words to the Master, and remember that YOU are the one Jesus loves!
