What am I DOING?
I was thinking this thought as I held the golden cup. I thought that as I held the cup in front of a young lady and reaffirmed for her what the cup contained: "The Blood of Christ". She responded, "Amen." The same as millions of Catholics would worldwide on that same Sunday, and have for centuries. It's the same thing I have done myself, almost every Sunday since I was in the second grade. (With the exception of a brief period of years when I was very lost.)
What was I doing? I've never been on this side of the cup! I am so completely NOT WORTHY to hold the cup that contains the blood of my Savior. I am participating in the most beautiful and profound giving of gifts that Christ ever gave and I am both exhilarated and grossly aware of my unworthiness. I truly am a dirty rotten sinner. Do I really belong here? I'm no Peter, but is this how he felt? Is this how ALL the disciples felt in that upper room on Passover?
My priest asked me if I would consider becoming what the Church refers to as an "Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist". An "ordinary" minister of the Eucharist would be a priest or deacon. This IS their day job. Even if they do it every single day, I pray it is never really ordinary for them. The day that it doesn't really matter to you that you are holding the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of our blessed Lord and Savior is the day you need to go on retreat and pray for renewal! I admit, the title sounds like a superhero, and I DO wish I was truly extraordinary. I just wasn't sure I could make it through this blessed task without weeping. I frequently cry during Communion when I am struck by the truth of what is happening. I got trained anyway. Father Chris has faith in me. I respect (and occasionally question) his confidence in me.
Earlier that day, I was teaching my Religious Ed class, and we spoke briefly about what a disciple is. A Christian disciple is someone called to share Christ with those God puts in their path. Share the Love! Share the peace! That's what we are called to do! Before today, I have never done this so literally. I have never before looked someone in the eye and said (in essence) "Have a drink. Drink richly of the covenant Jesus made with us all before his death on the cross. Do this in memory of Him, WITH ME! Drink and be made whole. Drink of the Spirit that renews and refreshes the soul, and heals the body and calms the mind. Drink of the blood of the sacrifice to end all sacrifices! Drink Liquid Love, and let the truth of it enter every cell of your being and make you ONE with the Creator, through the love of His Son!" And they each respond with a humble, "Amen." Which means, "Big Fat Yes to all that."
It's a good thing no one asked me to write the words for Communion. It would take a lot longer, and we'd need a LOT more cups, because I nearly cried when my cup ran out. I could have shared Jesus for the rest of the day. I'm hooked. At the risk of sounding conceited, I think I may be a disciple of Christ.