Merry Christmas Everyone!!!
I didn't post a blog last night, because by the time I got around to it, it was 2:15 am, and I was nearly in a wrapping and sugar induced coma. There was something I wanted to share with you, however.
Yesterday 5 of my 7 kids participated in the Children's/Youth Choir for Christmas Eve. I got there very early to drop them off, since Simon was also playing the part of Joseph, and Sylvia was also portraying an angel. (Typecasting? Maybe.) So I went in and found a good seat where I could see both the skit and the singers.
And there I sat. By myself. I wasn't saving a seat for anyone, because I didn't know who might be coming, but there was plenty of space available near me, should anyone show up. I knelt down to pray, and tears started flowing uncontrollably. It's been a hard week, I tell myself, but that's not really it.
Sally died, and her family is hurting, and I pray for her and them. Eileen's daughter died, and I'm sitting behind her granddaughter that just lost her mother the day before. The young lady sits dry-eyed while I sob. My prayers roll down my face as tears. I pray for them all. Mike, Eileen, the kids, all of their friends. The people who can take strength from her story of courage and faith, I pray for them too. And everyone with cancer. And heart disease. And in pain. And it's too much to bear. I look up at the crucifix and see the look on this particular Jesus's face. It is a mix of pain and something else. Compassion, maybe. I look at the nativity scene, and notice an odd thing.
This nativity scene also has a fruit lady. (See the Cabana Fruit Lady of Bethlehem blog) It strikes me as necessary that she's there. She has come to represent myself and my family and our place in the nativity story. It's not my job to carry all the pain. It's my job to carry a basket of apples, and offer this nourishment and refreshment to those doing the important work of salvation. This particular fruit lady is perched on a hill quite a way from the holy family. Maybe God's telling me to remember my role. I deliver the tears of my prayers for help. I drop them off at the manger, and m,y kids (and the other 15 or so kids) start singing. Now I'm crying tears of praise, and my prayer changes with them.
Thank you SO MUCH for allowing me to stay here so I can hear THIS angelic Heavenly choir. Made of voices that are a prat of my life. Thank you Lord, for giving me children that choose to praise you. Thank you for the tears to cleanse my soul. Thank you for coming here to this lowly earth and taking all the pain and shame and sorrow, and destroying it all. So that love can live on. Life to the fullest. At this point I think I'm living life to the fullest, when Jordan and Misty come in with the kids. Evelyn reaches for me, and my cup runneth over with love. I'm not sitting alone any more. I give to God what belongs to God, and enjoy the birth of the savior.
Before him, all those worries were mine to deal with. Now he's here! Oh come let us adore Him! I'm so blessed through the rest of the Mass, even with Evelyn squirming on my lap and sucking on my necklace, and Alex hiding down by the kneeler, I am in my happiest, most blessed sacred place.
Today is Christmas. Blessings after blessings after blessings to everyone who reads this blog!!! May your heart be filled with love, and your burdens given to the one who came to carry them so you could love better. Merry Christmas!